The silent killer
Envy...I like to call this one the "silent killer."
It's one that will slowly creep in and little by little just suck out the joy and light you feel inside. Sounds kind of like a horror movie as I am writing this...but is it safe to say that in a way envy starts turning your heart into a horror movie?
It can bring you down to levels you wouldn't have imagined reaching. This past Sunday the Gospel reading about the generosity of the landowner and vineyard workers stirred up a few feathers in me. Envy is something I always try to be mindful of because I know how much it can poison your life.
But it's crazy how the devil knows where to find even the smallest crack to pour that poison in. And before long I would struggle to see that joy in those around me, friends, family. Even if a situation was truly radiating in so much love and joy, I would sit and look at it with sorrow and darkness.
We fall into this comparison of "why can't I have what he/she has?", "why did he/she deserve this now and I didn't?" Many times these questions can come from a hurt we are feeling or something/someone we are genuinely missing but we forget that an unhealed wound that is not properly taken care of will start to poison the body. This is true physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.
I would love it if there was an easy answer to this struggle. A switch we could flip or a snap of our fingers. This too...is a process. But it always starts with a greater self-awareness and calling out the poison.
Call out this silent killer...call it out by name. Become aware of the wounds in your life that can lead to envy. Seek healing of those wounds through the power of the sacraments, and help of others.
Don't let envy make you lose sight of your joy.