The last time I wrote a reflection on here, I was pregnant. Since then, my husband and I welcomed a little baby girl that we named Olivia who is now six months old. What a ride it has been, already! I finally understand the love my mother has had for me all my life. It is the most profound feeling I have ever experienced and to be quite honest, it leaves me speechless. This little human has brought us more joy than we were ever able to envision. Pure love.
Around the time of my delivery, you may have seen a prayer request on this page. That’s because I had a very difficult delivery. I am still trying to heal from it both mentally and physically, but to make a long story short, I developed an infection during labor that could have ended very differently. I had to stay in the hospital post-delivery for a week and was not responding to treatment for days on end. It was a very scary time for my family and I and there came a day during my stay that we began fearing that I would not make it out the other end. It was the most heart breaking feeling to think that I may not be able to be there for Olivia the way I had hoped to be. I am not quite ready to share more about the whole experience yet, but one day I will be. There is a lot that transpired throughout those moments that made me closer to my faith in a profound way that I will one day share in a deeper way. In an odd way, I think God permitted for that to happen for a reason. It was difficult to understand at first, but now I see that reason more each day.
For now, I just wanted to say that becoming a mother has been my greatest gift in life. When I look at my little girl, I can’t help but want to become an even better version of myself. Simultaneously, in a strange way, I desire sainthood for her even more than I do for myself. I will do anything to help her on that journey, and in that process, I hope to sanctify myself so that I can be close to God at all times.
I also realized that I am nothing and can do nothing without God. Not that I didn’t know that before, but I realize that now more than ever. I, on my own, am a flawed being. With God, I am a striving being. I want my daughter to always see who I am with God. We are imperfect, but through Him, made new. That is something that has been very transformative for me to remember.
I may be a new mom but with full confidence I can already say:
Motherhood is the rock that we can rebuild a society with; a society founded on virtue, truth, beauty, and goodness.
And so, it is time for me to get to work!
Please pray for me, and I will for you too. I am also thinking of you all during this time. Remember, Christ is with us! Be strengthened and hopeful.