I am a few weeks away from giving birth, and I am equal parts excited as I am terrified.
You see, in every area of my life I have developed a habit of striving for perfection: whether it be in my marriage, my spiritual life, at work, my home (through cooking and cleaning), and even my physical appearance. That may sound silly to some, but it is what I measure my level of ‘success’ by. When I lack in any of these areas, it makes me feel like I failed and I need to work even harder.
Yes, I am fully aware that it isn’t the healthiest to do and it is something I am working on. I am trying to learn how to give myself grace in all these areas where it is impossible to always thrive. But now that I am weeks away from meeting my little baby, I am feeling this pressure creep up on my own expectation of being a mother.
The other day I was at a Life Chain protest and ran into a dear person in my life who is an incredible wife and mother who runs Catholic mom groups here in Toronto. She said something to me that really struck me: She told me that motherhood isn’t perfect, but it’s real.
I took that thought with me to prayer that night and it really made me reflect on what ‘real’ means. Though I have not experienced this yet, I also think back to my own (wonderful) mama and witnessing her live out her vocation of motherhood.
What I think it means is that motherhood is filled with incredible challenges, but the blessings from it outnumber those struggles. For a new mom, it’s sleepless nights, baby crying, plenty of feedings, a messy home, less time for yourself, and a struggle in various ways…but it is also endless cuddles, bedtime stories, refreshing walks, laughter, and above all…unconditional love.
I haven’t met my child yet, but the love I have for her has made me feel even closer to God. In many ways it has helped me understand even more how God loves us. Fully aware of the struggles ahead (though I have not yet had a taste of them), my arms are open ready to embrace them all. I have a strong desire to lay down my life for this little soul, just as I strive to do each day for my husband. Motherhood feels like a continuous giving; from the moment the child is conceived, one can’t help but feel the shift in their lives. This child suddenly becomes a priority in a way never experienced before.
I don’t know exactly how motherhood will be, but the witness of other moms has been a great blessing in helping me prepare during this sacred and precious time. Please pray for me as I transition into my new role as a mama myself…it feels so surreal!
With love, Kasia ❤
P.S. If you are from the Toronto area and looking to connect with other moms, please check out www.CatholicMomsGroup.com. There are over 40 groups in our diocese and growing... A great support for moms!