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Making room for Him


Until not long ago, I unconsciously believed that God could not give me what I needed. This isn't what I want to admit to, but reflecting on my past behaviors has made this belief very clear and I know I'm not the only one who's been here. Because I wasn't going to Him, I went elsewhere. The more weight I put on people, places, and things for my happiness, the more irrelevant He felt.


Ironically, the things that were supposed to bring me happiness weren't - I was still miserable. After a while, misery gives a distorted sense of comfort because of its familiarity. It blows my mind that I'd rather stay "comfortable" and miserable than admit that what I'm doing isn't working and reconsider Who I had deemed irrelevant.


It is to no surprise then, that I would read the bible and get almost nothing from it. If I am convinced that God won't be helpful then I may unknowingly decide that His word will also be unhelpful before I even give it a chance.


Ironically, the things that were sure to bring me happiness weren't - I was still miserable. After a while, misery gives a distorted sense of comfort because of its familiarity.


It blows my mind that I'd rather stay "comfortable" and miserable than admit that what I'm doing isn't working and reconsider Who I had deemed irrelevant.


This isn't to beat myself up, but rather to bring light to what has been happening and better understand why God has felt so distant. If I acknowledge a barrier, I can work to change it. Being aware of our behavior and reflecting on the underlying beliefs can be a great source of insight for us.


As I move away from unhealthy dependency on others (keyword: unhealthy), I literally feel God's words entering my heart in a way that they never had before and for this, I am so grateful. My journey feels confusing, with many unanswered questions, yet this experience brings me hope and affirms that maybe, just maybe God actually can be a source of all that my heart desires. My conviction is slowly growing every day as I go to Him more frequently and discover our faith more fully. .


As I move away from unhealthy dependency on others (keyword: unhealthy), I literally feel God's words entering my heart in a way that they never had before and for this, I am so grateful. My journey feels confusing, with many unanswered questions, yet this experience brings me hope and affirms that maybe, just maybe God actually can be a source of all that my heart desires. My conviction is slowly growing every day, as I go to Him more frequently and discover our faith more fully.


Because I have less and less of what I usually depended on, the option of not going to Him seems far scarier than going to Him. So, in this place of nakedness, I finally see how much I need Him.


In other words, I finally made room for Him.


Have you ever felt a distance with God? What helped? Are you experiencing it now? How does it feel? Have you reached out to anyone?


Sister I am here, walking the bumpy road with you,


<3

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