Help me love myself

My dear sisters,

I am blessed with an incredible set of parents who have further blessed me with unconditional love and daily smiles. Our relationship is currently amazing, but it wasn’t always like that as it took me way too long to realize what I have. Nevertheless, even when I was least deserving of their love, they continued to give it.

I have come to realize that I am very regretful over the way I have treated my parents in the past. The swearing, the neglect, the lack of inconsideration, the yelling... it seems that the only time I really acknowledged them was on special occasions or when I needed something.

I never intentionally hurt them, but the fact is that I did and I am having a difficult time forgiving myself for it. It breaks my heart knowing that I inflicted this pain on them and I am sorry to all of the mothers and fathers currently experiencing this pain. It must be crushing.

Reflecting on the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15: 11-32), I am left feeling exactly the way he did: unworthy to be the daughter of my parents (Luke 15:19).

Yet God doesn’t want me to beat myself up, and surely not as often as I do. So, I have been searching for a solution.

How can I move forward? The bible leads me to kindness. Kindness towards myself.

“Get rid of bitterness, passion and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Be kind and tenderhearted to one another and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Before approaching others with a tender heart and forgiveness, I learn how to approach myself in this way. Christ doesn’t say that my past actions were good, otherwise there wouldn’t be a need for forgiveness. He does, however, tell me to let go of the anger I have towards myself and the hateful thoughts that accompany this anger.

He says to chose love, because God has already chosen it.

It is so difficult to accept that Someone has forgiven me for the awful choices I have made, yet it is true. I see a reflection of His forgiveness in my parents, who have yet to show any sign of resentment towards me for the incredibly disrespectful choices I made years ago. God is comfortably sitting in each of their hearts, and now He wants to sit in mine.

Lord, I am sorry for what I have done and for what I have failed to do. Help me let go of the anger that surrounds my past choices and guide me in making amends by choosing to respect my parents through my words and through my actions. Help me acknowledge my wrongs yet chose to be kind to myself and to those around me.

This song, Be Kind To Yourself, left me in tears.

Sister,  I hope it speaks to your heart like it did to mine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYiM-sOC6nE

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