Even If

My dearest sisters

I work with kids who have autism and despite the difficulties that arise, I love my job. I have amazing coworkers, amazing bosses who go out of their way to support me and the rest of the staff members, and I’ve gotten to know the kids so well they feel like my own.

I’ve been learning so much through my daily interactions with the kids, through working with and observing other members of our team and through staff training. I have countless opportunities to grow in expertise and sometimes the only thing in my way of growth is me.

Sometimes I am scared to try new things because it feels awkward, uncomfortable or just terrifying. Behind all of those feelings is a fear of failure, a fear of making a mistake, a fear of allowing others to witness just how human I am.

Feeling fear is a normal part of being human. Sometimes it helps keep me safe from questionable situations, people or things. In those situations, I honor the feeling of fear and keep myself safe – body, heart and mind. However, in other situations fear keeps me too safe, so “safe” that I remain stagnant while the fear grows. While that fear is growing, I am not. I chose.

The choice I make is the choice to trust God that I will be okay. That even if I mess up, I am still “enough”; even if I am awkward in front of others, I am still lovable; even if things don’t go as they’re “supposed to”, I am a cherished. Knowing my worth, owning who I am, who’s I am, makes an unbelievable difference in my life.

Every day I am given opportunities to trust God, and the more opportunities I take advantage of, the more I am able to do it. It’s one of those things that only works when I actually do it. I can’t read my way into trusting God.

Trusting God in everyday situations will help me trust God in the more difficult situations that life inevitably brings.

Jesus leaves us with comforting words that may help us in moments of fear: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

Ladies, may we trust God and allow ourselves to be fully human. Sometimes that means we accept the awkwardness and discomfort.

Face the fear, because those fears that are holding you back from your best you, they are all lies (1).

What will you allow to grow, sister – the fear or yourself? The choice is yours.


(1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1srs1YoTVzs

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