Depend on Me
My dearest ladies,
I’ve been going through the strongest growing pains that I have ever experienced, and, well, as the name suggests they’ve been straight up painful. Yet if I look far enough, I see a preview of the woman I can become if I continue saying “yes”, and it leaves me in awe.
God has allowed things to happen in my life that I would have never EVER allowed, if the choice were mine. For some time, living in reality became an unbareable punishment, so I found some blankets to help me cope. I unknowingly started wearing blankets of denial that allowed me to create an alternative reality where things seemed less painful. There I found an illusion of safety that was bound to crumble soon. And it did.
Unfortunately and fortunately, those blankets have been coming off, one by one. God has allowed them to be removed so that I can see reality for what it is, and trust Him the whole way through. He knew that my dependency was still in things and in people, and if this didn’t change, it was only a matter of time before I was again shattered.
When the first blanket was removed, I was left completely devastated, uncomfortable, and very scared, as I tried to find footing in the waters that were threatening to engulf me. I was drowning again.
The more layers of denial came off, the more I saw the need for a change. Contrary to my liking, that change was going to have to be in me. Growth can’t wait for someday, growth happens NOW. It’s terrifying, uncertain, risky, uncomfortable but I know it will make me shine brighter than I ever have.
With the support of some wonderful people, I put the pieces together and finally understood what God was trying to tell me: depend on Me. I needed to change my approach of self-reliance, so that I could finally grow.
The process of growth can be messy with 5 steps forward, a few steps back, then a face plant and perhaps a brick wall. Growth means acceptance, perseverance, and faith and hence the extreme discomfort! Luckily, growth is not supposed to be comfortable. Remaining stagnant is comfortable, but “if we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living” (Gail Sheehy).
The ball is in your court, sister: you “can chose to go back toward ‘safety’ or forward toward growth” (Abraham Maslow). Your journey will be up and down and all around, and that’s okay. Keep choosing Him.
God wants our complete surrender, our child-like dependency on Him, and on Him only. A woman who depends on God like this, is a woman who has strength like no other, because He is fighting her battles. Let Him fight for you! And allow yourself to grow.
One last thing to share with you ladies: When I thought that life was over, it was precisely that moment that would lead to my growth.
Lord, thank you.